Heinz Catch-up.

Firstly.  Yes, I made a ketchup joke.  Yes, it was bad.

I have decided that since I took such an extended break from writing I need to play a little bit of catch up.  So I'll start with Mr. Jordan Staal.

PK Subban's still a bitch.  He laid Jordy out until November.  And then Jordy laid himself out with a broken hand until the Winter Classic.  It was the end of The Streak.  And it kinda broke my heart.  Also, my predictions about a 50+ point season for Staalsy are looking pretty unlikely about now.  (That does NOT mean don't try!)  Next season.

There are a few new Penguins this season!  And some that are no longer with us (both happy and sad).

 Arron Asham (whose last name is apparently a corn-based Jamaican dessert, thanks Wikipedia) comes to us from the Cryers.  It has taken a couple months, but I've gotten over him having been one.  Also, it helps that he is not Scotty Hartnell.  He's like Cookie Monster's twin.  It's adorbs.  I have yet to see my dream line of Cookie-Staalsy-Asham...y.  Just think how awesome that would be.  A seriously gritty line.  Other fun non-hockey related facts about Mr. Asham include:  the most adorably named children ever (Dexter, Asilyn, Oceane) and he is Métis Canadian (one of the aboriginal peoples of Canada...cool).  Hockey related fun facts include: has played for the Canadiens, the Islanders, the Devils (BIG LOLZ THIS SEASON), the Cryers, and the PENGUINS; had his career best season points-wise his first full season in the NHL with the Islanders; has represented Canada on the world stage once (1995 U-18 team).  A side note: I used the above picture because the decent pictures of him playing all had him in a Flyers uniform and I could not stomache that.  :D

Mike Comrie (whose last name is a village and parish in Southern Scotland) comes from the Oilers.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  I'm done now.  Really.  Hehehe.  To be honest, I have yet to form much of an opinion of Comrie as a hockey player as I've yet to see him play a lot this season.  He is holding true to past seasons and is injury plagued at the moment.  Unless he comes back in time for playoffs and plays really well, I doubt we'll be seeing him next season, but who knows?  Personally I know more about his wife then him seeing as he is married to Hilary Duff.  (How cute is that???  No, seriously.  The way they talk about each other is CUTE.)  This leads to my nicknaming moment of brilliance this season!  Interlude for story time...

So a few weeks back we were playing the Ottawa Senators (of whom I have an intense dislike for at the moment...I'll remember why at a later time) and I realized that Mike Fisher plays for them.  And recently married Carrie Underwood.  Who, if she gave up her name for his (which she did not), would then be Carrie Fisher.  A.k.a. Princess Leia.  Obviously it then followed that Mike Fisher is no longer Mike Fisher, but Mr. Princess Leia.  Feel free to applaud my brilliance.

Interlude over...back to Mike Comrie.  Or just moving on to the new D-Men.  First, Paul Martin.  I LOVE him.  He's a beast.  And fucking awesome.  He plays a lot.  And he blocks shots and is on the puck.  He plays responsibly away from the puck.  I love this guy.  If I had to lose Mark Eaton, Paul Martin is a great replacement.  (I'll always miss you Mark Eaton!!!)  I'm ALMOST to the point where I see Paul Martin on the ice with his number and actually think "Martin" before I think "Eats."  Almost.  Anyway.  He rocks my socks off.

Miscellaneous Paul Martin info.
1.  The first thing that comes up for "Paul Martin" on wikipedia is a Canadian politician who has a son named Paul, but is of no relation to Paul Martin, NHLer.
2.  He is a Minnesotan.  (I hope y'all said that "O" correctly.) 
3.  He is a former Devil.  Umm...eww.  (I have some intense hate for them at the moment.)  I'm glad he's seen the light.  Or the $5 mil a year.  Whichever is cool by me.
4.  Poor guy gets named to the U.S. Olympic team TWICE and still has yet to play on Olympic ice.  Watch out Russia 2014!  (I hope he gets the shot, cuz that would be pretty awesome.)
P.S.  Sidenote from mentioning the Devils.  Jamie Langenbrunner.  You know, FORMER captain.  Also former K-Wing.  So therefore, cool.  Well, he got traded (back) to the Stars.  Silly Devils.  Not that I mind.

And last, but certainly not least, of the new Pens is Zbynek Michalek.  (Yes spell check, I did spell that correctly.)

Umm...most adorable father-son Pittsburgh Penguins picture EVER.  Which is certainly saying something since Cookie-monster and Adsy have some pretty adorable moments with their kids on camera all the time.
Hockey-wise, Michalek is solid.  Still getting used to it though.  He's a pretty responsible player on the ice and I've rarely seen him make slip-ups.  Pretty much, I can just say that I'm super excited that our defensive pairing are all locked up for a while.  They.  Are.  Awesome.  (No offense, but Gonch leaving was the best thing to happen to Kristopher Letang.  Period.)

Which leads perfectly into Penguins no longer with us (in a good/not so good way depending on the player).

Beginning with Sergei Gonchar.  Yes, I know he's good.  But I was never his biggest fan.  I was very happy that he left.  He was not worth the amount of money we were spending on him (unlike some other Pens).

Ruslan Fedotenko.  Also...good riddance.  (I know, I know!!  I'm being rather blunt and not very nice right now.)  Go mess up on someone else's team.  Thank you very much.

Alexei Ponikarovsky and Jordan Leopold.  Umm...have fun?  I feel like I didn't really get much of a feel for these guys.  Even though I loved the fact that Alexei's nickname is PONI.  Too fun.

Jay McKee.  You beast, you.  I'm really really glad that the Blues bought out your contract so that you could play for the Penguins last season.  You blocked shots like an animal and I kinda love you for it.  I am sorry to see that you are not playing this season, but I hope the Niagara University men's hockey team appreciates you.  (Also, I love that they are the Purple Eagles...)

Skoula and Caputi left us before the summer, but whatever.  And then...

BILL GUERIN.  I MISS SEEING YOU ON THE ICE!  I about cried when they made it official to not re-sign him.  I can't decide if he's more awesome because he's a great hockey player or if he's more awesome because he's fuckin hilarious.  Whichever it is, he's just awesome.  And it about broke my heart when they showed pictures of him practicing with the Flyers in the off season.  Even if it would have meant a continuing career.  BUT, Sir Billy G is a class act and obviously knew what city was best and retired officially as a Pittsburgh Penguin on December 6, 2010.  And now he's being groomed in the front office.  Neat-o.  (Also, the Winter Classic Alumni game was pretty sweet because you played.)

Next installment...called up to full time roster spots...

Bonus picture to make you feel good: